Memorial Day is just about here. Memorial Day is when, as an American, we honor those who have come before us. Memorial Day was supposed to commemorate those who were lost in war. Luckily it has been expanded to be about remembering all who have gone before. Yesterday I participated in an annual ritual. I went to the graves of my parents and grandparents.
My maternal grandfather, Delos Vernell Tostenson died in 1971.
My maternal grandmother, Edna Marie Elizabeth Tostenson died in 1998.
My paternal grandfather, Ira Van Beek died in 1962.
My paternal grandmother, Mabel Van Beek died in 1970.
My dad, David Alan Van Beek died 10 years ago, 1999.
My mom, Marilyn Edna Van Beek died just 3 years ago, 2006.
I like to build in time to see the living as well as tend the graves. The ritual is about connecting with the past. This past includes being from a small town, Hollandale. I find that I restep some of the daily tasks. I have to drive around Hollandale, it does not take long, it is about 4 blocks square. Then drive around Maple Island and drive by Geneva Lake. Dad used to do this every day we got together. Not for any real reason, just checking out what is happening. Small town life is full of ritual, though no one would call it that.
Back to tending the graves. I pack a bucket and scrub brush. I know it is only once a year, but I like the act of scrubbing the stones. A small act, but it makes the stones look so much better. There is a tactile connection with the names. Noticing how the stone was excised to create the letters V A N B E E K… Noticing the texture of the stone. Thinking about good times. Talking in my head to their memories.
Because I am a good boy, a title understandably by other small town people, I want fresh flowers added to the grave side. It is rather like putting a stone on the grave. The flowers are the public expression, letting others know that someone in the family cared enough to tend to the graves. Our existence on this earth is lengthened by people’s memories. I am saddened to see stones, neglected by time. Families move away. Generations go by. Noone really remembers the infant that died in 1918. The beautiful white marble log with the carved lamb. The act of amazing love that put that stone there, was run its course.
Wellness in my mind has a lot to do with being grounded. I am not grounded without my past. I can not go back to live in my past, but I can not go forward without it. Memorial Day, more than any other day, grounds me with the past. I am where I am, to a great extent, because of the shoulders I stand on.
If you have never tended the graves of your people, take the time. Your ROI (return of investment) will be more than you can measure.